


Hit Me With Some Lightning

by actualtrashcan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anger, Crying, Gen, Language, Lowkey Vent, Sad Ending (?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 16:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10194056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualtrashcan/pseuds/actualtrashcan
Summary: Phil wonders if Dan ever misses how it was years ago, and it turns out Dan does a lot more than Phil thought.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Extreme Music - Just Say

Over the past week, Phil had been contemplating everything. And by everything, he meant.. everything. Living with Dan, being best friends, making youtube videos. He knew he'd always make youtube videos, but as for the other stuff, it was wearing him down. He wasn't sleeping as much, which was saying A LOT. His eating habits were over eating or not eating enough. He just wasn't Phil.  
Eventually, it got to be too much. So when Dan woke up on Saturday morning, long after Phil's four am wake up call, Phil approached him in the kitchen. "Dan?" 

Dan raised an eyebrow and turned towards Phil. "Yeah?" The thing was, Dan wasn't being any worse of a best friend. It's just Phil wanted more. He missed how it was. So damn badly. "Phil?" Dan pressed, and it was then that Phil realized he was just standing dumbly in the kitchen. 

"Oh, uh, c-could I talk to you for a minute?" Phil asked quietly, his voice cracking. Dan's face turned from concerned to nervous in a matter of seconds. Phil knew how Dan was, and he had to choose his words carefully.

Dan nodded. "Okay. Lounge?" Before Phil could respond, Dan casually walked into the lounge and plopped onto the sofa. Phil followed close behind and sat next to Dan.

Phil cleared his throat and plotted his words in his mind carefully. "I.. Dan.. d-do you ever, miss how it was?" 

Blinking slowly, Dan bit his lip gently. "I don't know what you're talking about.." but Phil knew he knew, and Dan knew that Phil knew he was lying. 

"Don't do that, Dan. It hurts," Phil said weakly, sinking back into the couch. "Years ago, when we weren't as famous. And we could be more open about ourselves.. and each other."

Dan chewed on his bottom lip and blinked back tears. "But Phil, we broke up because we both knew it couldn't be anymore. All anybody would care about is how we were together, 'Youtube's power couple'!" Dan said, waving his hands around sadly. "And they still do. That's all they ever care about. We don't get normal comments, we get comments picking at every tiny thing we said in a video, Phil. Yeah, we play on it a bit but just because you and I both know that's all they care about!" Dan was nearly yelling now, standing up and pacing around the room. "The theories, we can't stand too close to each other in public because god forbid someone see and take it out of context! It's tiring, Phil!" 

Nodding, Phil looked down at his hands. "So, y-you don't think it could be that way?" 

Dan let out a sigh and shook his head sadly. "If it was that way, that would become all we are, Phil. Just two guys, flirting and gawking over each other in videos. Love eyes Lester, Heart eyes Howell. That's all we are to them, anyways. Not Dan and Phil, but just one person. We aren't even seen as individuals by them, Phil." 

Phil couldn't argue with that. "But if we do go back to how things were, that's what they want, so wouldn't it be a good thin-"

"No!" Dan yelled, cutting him off. "No, it wouldn't be! Because I'm constantly hoping and fucking praying that one day they understand that it gets a tiny bit annoying to constantly get my best friend shoved in my face like a sex toy! There would be no hope of it getting better! All we'd be famous for by that point is being together, finally, after all the years of theories and pictures and videos.." Dan let his voice trail off as he felt tears fall down his cheeks.

And suddenly, Phil felt awful. "I'm sorry for bringing it up, Dan. I know it's a sensitive subject." 

"Do you? Do you actually, Phil? Do you understand how annoying it is sometimes, scrolling through the comments and seeing so many people just taking words out of context, connecting them to you, making up sexual innuendos?" Dan paused and put on a comedic voice, waving his hands around in an exaggerated manner. "Hurrhurr that's not what you said last night with Phil hardyharhar, oh my GOD did you guys see that, it looks like they kissed! When in reality, all we fucking did is lean in the same direction by a fucking inch, Phil! It's bullshit! Occasionally, I'd like a comment that just says, 'Hey Dan, nice video!' or, 'This was really cool, can't wait for the next video!'"

Phil had slowly been sinking further and further into the back of the sofa, curling his legs up to his chest and resting his head on them as Dan continued. "When someone says 'do you know danisnotonfire'? Their immediate response is 'and AmazingPhil, duh!' Because that's all we fucking ARE! I'm tired of being seen as just a ship, seen as just someone who's relevant because people imagine him and his best friend fucking! So no, Phil, I don't miss how things were. There. Satisfied?" 

"No.." Phil said in a whisper, looking up at Dan while tears fell like a waterfall down his face. "I didn't know you felt that way, I thought maybe a simple no would do.. ouch, Dan."

Dan closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. He returned to the sofa next to Phil. "Not towards you, Phil. I didn't mean any of that towards you. I just.." And then Dan cried. Completely, unfiltered tears. In between sniffles and wiping away what tears he could, he said, "I do miss it, Phil. So much. I was much happier then, I'll admit. But with how things are, it can't be that way.. you know that." 

The reality of it all hit Phil finally, and any hope he had of this working disappeared. That's all Dan and Phil were. "I'm sorry, again, Dan. It's just been tearing me up inside.." Dan leaned forward then and hugged Phil, shaking his head gently.

"It's okay. Lets just, lets just go give them what they want, yeah?" Dan asked, pulling away from the hug. Phil nodded. So they went and recorded a video together, sitting a little closer together than normal, and adding in a few sketchy sentences.. just in order to still hold on to whatever it was they had.

**Author's Note:**

> Dude this is so sad somebody kick me in the knee.  
> Basically, this is inspired by recent events of when Dan mentioned a "big deal but not really" and "long time coming" video for his next main channel video (?? Can't remember exact words) in one of his recent live streams. The bad side of the phandom (we know who they are) are freaking out about it being a coming out video, and pressuring Dan to make it, etc. I just wanted to vent with writing this.. I can actually see this happening, because sometimes I feel like the phandom forgets Dan and Phil ARE individuals and they ARE more than just a ship.  
> (Also really sorry to burst your bubbles but I'm like 99.9% sure it's not a coming out video, rather a rebranding video..)  
> P.S. since I consider this really important I've decided not to put it in my Phan Oneshot series. It deserves its own place.  
> So lets just support Dan (and phil, of course) no matter what the video is. Okay? Okay. ♥


End file.
